Operation Rango: Election 2012
sorry to ruin the suspense, but my son already called it. it went like this:
rango: who do you think’s going to win tomorrow?
junior: me, but this kid from pyongyang is pretty good.
rango: that’s impossible, there is no starcraft in pyongyang. they’re living on shoe leather.
junior: the internet doesn’t lie, dad. and thanks for the support. what’s next, who’s your daddy online?
rango: it’s me, i am your father (menacing but fail). dude, it’s like The Hunger Games there, but you’d give up your best friend for a Birkenstock. having said that, rich hippies may fare well there. also emos. you should be good despite your horrendous lack of skills and less-than-amazing cache of mojo.
junior: cool story, bro.
rango: you know there’s an election tomorrow, right?
junior: that’s hilarious…(pew pew pew)
rango: …(knocks on desk next to mouse hand)
junior: (glances at rango’s hand by mouse, acknowledges threat) why bother, you’re already pope. besides, you told me plagus had that in the bag, that it was all just a facade for the sheeple. you even called it the “Facade for the Sheeple(TM)” and had him trademark it.
plagus: “job’s finished.”
junior: damn that’s retro. i liked your song though, dad. cool “Election Theme Song”. i’m sure that will be very popular. how’s your reverb score? let me guess, the same, right? (cracks up)
rango: i suppose you think that’s funny.
junior: it was very chuck mangione (in faux italian)
rango: you don’t say it like that.
junior: ba-ha-ha-ha…cool story, bro. (pew pew pew)
rango: no, srsly.
junior: o, rly?
rango: who’s going to win?
junior: because he’s asian and asians are cooler than you.
rango: o, rly?
junior: no, srsly.
rango: ok, what if they were super-heroes?
rango: perhaps i’ve biased you.
rango: (puts finger on computer power button and holds it for 3 seconds, one second short of a hard reboot and total shame for generations against people that kill for Birkenstocks by day whilst selling options on their cousin’s kidney’s through a black-market derivatives exchange by night)
junior: yes, father? (perfect angel, full attention)
rango: if the election were a super-hero battle, who would win? the cool black guy who looks like Rhodey from Iron Man, and who one day will in fact be Iron Man, or the smarmy, arrogant rich white guy who looks like every politician/villain from every science fiction movie ever, who looks like he has a personal beautician and a monthly budget for hair gel that exceeds your entire lifetime income, and who hates you?
rango: cool story, bro.
junior: (pew pew pew!) [stops, breaks character, Skyping now, ignoring rango] what, what? what’s the problem? you promised, dude. Pedro had it in the bag! all the write-ins. i gave you that code from plagus are you telling me it didn’t work? (stands up, points at headset like a disrespectful smartass, then starts shoving rango out of the room, nodding his head “no”.)…what are you, Ron Paul now? that’s never going to work, his brother is type O-Negative, you didn’t get the message? it was on fans of derivatives facebook, dude, pretty sure it made CNN [slams door]. [muffled]you need a better botnet dude, let me hook you up.
rango: cool story, bro \m/